One piece from Johann Fischer’s diary. Johann Fischer, born on Jun 8, 1996, is a guy from Switzerland. He was born and raised on a farm near Lucerne, by a dad from New York and a native Swiss mom. His surname came from his mom. He came to Shanghai alone at the age of 19, did his undergrad and worked there for a few years. He fell in love with his college, Tianyu Wang, but decided not to tell her. He decided to go back home and said he booked the flight to Geneva on Jun 15, 2022. He stopped sharing his diary online after that. Did he go home, or did he end his life? He had been expressing the desire to end his life repeatedly before that.

“When I first saw her, I also saw the time when we would be parted.”

Every time I read this sentence in my diary, tears well up in my eyes.

When she is in front of me, some words will spill out. But I controlled it. I cannot hurt her because I love her. I suppose Shanghai is only a station, a brief stop on my long trip. I need to get on the train afterward. I cannot settle here. Although I always follow my heart, not my brain, I have to think about responsibility.

When we first met, my intuition told me she felt something special, as I did. Oh, my intuition also pictured the result of us – parted. Then I attempt to get closer to her. The joy never makes me forget the foreseen sorrow.

Now, the time of sorrow draws near. How can I pass through?